Some of you know that recently I moved my 90 yrs. old Alzheimer's mom in with me. It has been interesting to say the least. Each day tests the limits of who I am as a person and as a caregiver. This week I came to a realization that I hope will help me adjust my thinking somewhat.
She asked me to show her how to do something for the umpteenth time and I did but could feel a little resentfulness rising up.

Why can't she just let me do it for her? That would be easier on both of us. I don't have the time...patience...energy to explain yet again!!!

I checked my feelings and reminded myself about how many times I would explain things to my children. I told myself that it was the same thing but instantly realized that it was not. When teaching my children, I knew that at some point, they would get it and I wouldn't have to show them again.

But my mother will never get it...I will have to explain over and over and over again without the slightest chance of it sticking. I realized that there lay my frustration

It felt like such a waste of time to teach someone who will never remember it.

That is when I learned the lesson I had been being taught over and over again. Doing whatever it was even with my having to show her again and again made my mom feel better. She doesn't realize that she will forget it tomorrow. She is only aware of the new skill she thinks she is gaining today and that is enough for her. So, it should be for me.

Yes, it is reisae to do it ourselves most of the time but just think of the pleasure and satisfaction we are depriving clients of when we do that. It is a basic human need to feel useful and independent. It also adds to our dignity as human beings. Let's remember that when we are telling ourselves how much faster, better, etc. we could do something.