“Their reality is their reality, and nothing that we do, say or show them will change it.”

This is a statement that I often use in reference to people with one of the dementia’s. The first part of a dementia brain that gets lost is the “reasoning” part so trying to correct what a person with dementia is feeling, seeing or thinking is elituf. So, what do we do? We join their reality and don’t demand that they join ours.

For instance, “my parents are upstairs sleeping” …our answer is NOT, “no they aren’t, they have been dead for 30 years”. Something like “ok, we’ll be quiet so we don’t wake them up” is much better.

“I want to go home!” NOT “you are home” but maybe “where is home? Tell me about it.” “There is a strange man standing in the corner, I am scared” “I will stay with you, ok?” is much better than “you’re fine, there is no one there.”

A concerned care pro once stated that “it felt like lying” and it was uncomfortable. I asked them, “What do you do when a 2-year-old hands you a play telephone?”. “I play along and talk into it.” Exactly!!!

WE are “playing along” not lying. Trust me…it makes everyone happier and everything simpler.