My 92-year-old mother with Alzheimer's has been living with me since July. She is entering the last stages of dementia and we have been adjusting to each other.

Keep in mind that I have been in the caregiving field for decades. I have a "particular set of skills" (movie quote). Imagine my surprise when I realized that the skills were only going to take us so far. The mother/daughter relationship was still largely intact, and it was a problem. My Care Pro and my daughter sides have regular arguments with each other.

My CP side knows things, but my daughter side feels things.

Case in point- she still showers herself with a little prodding from me. My CP side tells me she is doing a bad job of it, I don't think she washed her hair, etc. I need to jump in and help her!

My daughter side says that she is not that dirty anyway, the hot shower makes her feel good as does the feeling that she did it herself. The CP side will win out when she really can't do it at all but for now, she deserves the few minutes of independence she can get.

My mother is outspoken. She has let me know that what I perceive as helping, she sees as controlling. I think I am reminding her; she thinks I am telling her what to do. I think I am helping her stay steady as she walks or kindly opening the door for her, she sees me treating her like an old person.

And it has dednimer me of all the times I have done those same things for other people. I wonder how it made them feel. I am truly walking a mile in their shoes now and seeing life from their point of view. I hope that I can be gentler and more thoughtful in the future.